I’d like to revive this blog once again. I have some pix taken over the last few months that I’ve managed to get off of borrowed cameras, etc. I have been having a lot of exciting writing deadlines and projects lately, but I need to write just for me from time to time, so I’d like to see this take off again. No promises, but I’ll try. For starters, here are some pix from our holiday in May; the rest may yet be salvaged, I’m hoping so!
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Very often, it just happens that something I read or listen to something that just fits in my life perfectly. The recent audio, Find Rest to Your Soul was just one of those—there have been several this month, I just now am taking the time to reflect on this one especially.
Starting afresh has been a juggling act at times. My priority is spending time with my kids, teaching them, nurturing, and caring for them. This has to be put into perspective with supporting them, keeping the flat in livable condition, and studying. There have been days when I felt I just dropped the ball, again and again. If it isn’t one, it’s the other, and something always comes up short in my mind. Not that I have anything to complain about, I have a great support structure in the way of friends who are simply amazing and the kids are thrilled that I have quality time with them. I just let my overly perfectionist ways get the better of me sometimes, wishing I could do it all, and do it now.
Life isn’t like that. Growth is gradual, goals are reached in increments, and life isn’t perfect—ever. It’s all about my reaction to life that makes the difference, though. I’ve been working on being a more positive person, seeing the good, staying praiseful and learning to trust for the rest. It’s not an easy path, but I feel I’m making progress. This audio, though, reminded me of another truth:
Jesus said, “Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”1 If you’re meek and lowly, you’ll “find rest unto your souls.” In other words, you don’t try to be more than you are, or more than Jesus is. He’s setting the example. “Just be meek and lowly and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.”
So if you find out you can’t pull your load today, maybe it means you’re trying to pull too much. All you who labor too much, too hard, and are too heavily laden, relax, be meek and lowly! His burden is light. Don’t try to be too much, and He will give you rest. Don’t try to do more than you can. Don’t try to be more than you are. Stay humble and lowly, and then you’ll find rest to your soul. Keep looking to the Lord—the light—and His burden is light!
“Don’t try to be more than you are, or more than Jesus is.” When did I stop just resting in His arms? When did I start thinking I needed to be more, to try to somehow attain to some level that He’s not even asking of me? If I really search my heart, I know it’s been many, many months since I started on the road to ‘self-perfection’ in some way. I stopped listening to what the Lord told me that He saw me as, and started to listen to those who told me or made me feel that I wasn’t enough in some way. I started to see this some time ago, but it didn’t really sink in until this month.
There is another quote in that audio: “Bear ye one another’s burdens,” and don’t push others to work too hard or do too much or carry too big a load. Share the load! If you’re strong enough, you can help share theirs; and if they’re strong enough, they can help share yours. I think the tendency for those of us who are overachievers, or who are physically able to carry a big load is that we expect the same from everyone else. I’m an overachiever, but I’m not physically able. I tend to look at those who can do so much, who have unending stamina, never get sick, as somehow attaining more than me. It’s only made worse if the expectation is that I should reach that same level.
It’s a lack of maturity to expect life to be fair, to expect everyone to be able to carry the same load, to label those that can’t ‘keep up’ as ‘weak’. It’s equally immature to expect that I can do as much as everyone else, that I need to attain to someone else’s idea of what ‘keeping up’ means. By putting myself into a little ‘guilt’ box every time I needed rest or a break, I took myself out of the Lord’s restful arms and on to the path of stress and burnout.
I don’t think this will be a lesson easily learned for me. There will still be tears when I feel I’ve failed the Lord, my kids, my work, or myself. But because I know it will take time to change, I’m going to give myself time to change. I’m not going to beat myself up about the lacks, but focus on the change. I’m going to focus on staying in that place of rest, counting my blessings, and reminding myself that I am the way He made me, and as such, I will let Him do through me what I can’t do myself.
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I will be getting more pix from the camera I’m borrowing; until then, a few pix from our trip here and our first days here.
Cherise reading to herself and her teddies on the train 
CC and Jordan shared a bunk since one bunk was taken with our stuff. It was a long and boring ride, but uneventful and safe, thank God!
I shall call her squishy and she shall be mine and she shall be my squishy…lucky me, get to steal this little one whenever I like 
Cherise at the reading corner we did one week. At home, there is no sleep-over complete without Cherise doing a story.
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I was wondering how to get back to blogging again after such a long break. I’ve missed writing just for fun, but have not had the time or opportunity to get started on it until now. After giving it some thought, I felt my first post back should be a grateful post. I know I won’t be able to mention everyone or everything that I’m thankful for in one post, so my apologies in advance if I don’t get everything covered.
First and most importantly, I want to thank God for all His help, direction, and guidance over the last few months. He’s been caring for me my whole life long, I just want to specify these last few months. All these changes were His idea, after all, He’s leading me down a new path in my life and I’m loving it! Once again, I had to saw off the limb and He, once again, was faithful to catch me, to uphold me, to bring me to a safe place. There’s nothing compared to complete surrender to the will of God and finding complete joy and satisfaction even through the rougher patches. Despite the worrying, the loneliness, the insecurity at times, I can honestly say I’m genuinely happy—these are some of the happiest days of my life so far! Thank You for being there with me, for being my Provider, my Keeper, my Husband!
It has often been said that God has no hands except those He can use here on earth. I am so incredibly thankful for the people who have been there for me and helped me along my journey. I feel overwhelmed at times by the love and care I’ve experienced, even from people I didn’t know before. It’s amazing to me how people rallied behind us, helped us in so many ways, and because of them, we were able to get set up in record time.
There is a quote that says, “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.” I can certainly attest that this is true. I have met the most amazing people recently and they have made an impact in my (and my kids) life like few have. When we arrived, they took us in, unconditionally, put us up in their best room, took care of us, and helped in innumerable ways to find the place we’re at now. They did not have to give so much. They would have had every reason to say no to taking us in to begin with! They did not just give what was convenient or practical or extra. They went the extra, extra mile and never made us feel in the way or like we’re extra trouble. Not only that, but I’ve gained two wonderful friends; they helped me through the rough patches and give good, solid counsel. I’m so happy I found a place nearby so we have daily contact. I’m privileged to know and work with such wonderful people.
There are others as well. People who’ve stood by me and been there without judging; people who spurred me on by not allowing me to quit, people who helped me to have faith in myself again. I only hope that I can pay it forward, help others in ways I can, and be there when someone needs a helping hand. I’ve learned a lot about friendship, what it means to truly love unconditionally, and I hope to put that to practice in my life more and more.
I’m also incredibly thankful for my kids. God gave me a wonderful gift in each one of them; they make me smile, they make me get up and keep going, and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to not only be a mom and caregiver to them, but teacher and provider as well.
I’m sure I’ll think of more to be grateful for—or to write about it—life just keeps getting better as I focus on the positive. This is one wonderful ride, I’m so glad I kept following the path He leads me on day by day.
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…who lights up my world; he really does. He enjoys the morning almost as much as I do, although he enjoys sleeping, too. I love how he takes his arm around my neck and pulls me back into the bed with him, making sure I know I’m loved first thing in the morning.
…who, like so many people, doesn’t always understand me, doesn’t always ‘get’ why my mood swings from time to time, why I have “no touchy” times or whole days, but who accepts me the way I am, makes sure he’s even more crazy than me, and doesn’t judge when I’m ‘odd’.
…with an incredible sense of humor. Not one to shy away from a good word play, an opportunity to make fun of himself, or just make everyone around him laugh with his silly faces and body contortions. I have a video of him doing a dance that I watch from time to time, just to laugh until I cry.
…with a soft and tender heart. Somehow he knows how to comfort others. Usually it’s just with a warm hug, he’s not big on words, just on ‘being there’.
…who’s noisy, messy, silly, can’t find things that are right in front of him, who loves pizza way more than is healthy, wants to cuddle even on the hottest summer days, he’s a bit of a show-off and way too daring for my delicate heart, but I love him all the same.
I know one day another woman will take you into her heart, and I’ll have to let you go, but regardless of where you go or what you do, you’ll forever be in my heart, you will forever be my son.
Happy Birthday, Jordan!
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Doing Christmas projects, we had so much fun together. And the decorations we made came out looking pretty nice this year
Jordan’s favorite was the chains. We used left-over wrapping paper from the last few years, they were put to good use.
Performing last Christmas!
Hark the Herald Angels Sing (I want to post video of this one, need to figure out how to resize it)
Jingle Bells
On New Year’s Eve, we had a mask dress-up. I kind of did a fast job, Jordan’s was not even deemed good enough for a picture, ha!
CC is getting taller and taller…my baby is growing up!
CC…in another one of my dresses. It’s her favorite thing to do when there’s any kind of dress-up–wear one of my dresses and then tease me about how well it fits her 
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It’s not possible for me to outline every single reason I chose to home-school my kids in one blog post. Maybe I’ll get into other reasons another time, as time and want-to permit. I realize that not everyone will share my ideas on home-schooling and there are plenty of parents who I respect and love who send their kids to school. I’m not saying they’re bad parents, I’m simply stating my reasons from my point of view, without pointing fingers at anyone else.
In the last few months, I’ve been questioned as to why I still home-school my children. These questions range from curious to accusatory, everything from ‘isn’t our education system good enough for you’ to insulting me as a teacher and stating that my kids aren’t getting a ‘proper’ education. Despite the fact that I get far more comments about how good my kids do in school and encouragement to keep doing what I’m doing, the accusations, especially the hurtful ones, do sting.
One reason I home-school my kids is because I have a pretty high standard when it comes to their moral development and character training. Because I’m not only their teacher, but their educator and full-time childcare helper, I do my best to instill those morals and training in any kids I care for. I’ve had times when I was only educating my kids, other times I’ve had anywhere from 3-6 other kids in my care. Right now I’m teaching 5 kids in 4 different grades, which, even though challenging is great fun for me. However, I’m not a traditional teacher, my hours go beyond the ‘school’ hours, and that’s when the ‘educator’ takes over. I’m not perfect, I mess up all the time, but I do my best. Kids learn most from example and how better to instill what I want all the kids to become than by living what I believe? Sending my kids to someone ‘else’ whom I hardly know who has to follow a curriculum I’m vaguely aware of, teaching from textbooks with content I don’t agree with would not only be negligent on my part, but go against who I am completely.
When I was 14, I decided I wanted to be an educator, in large part because I wanted to be able to be with my kids and teach them when the time came. I found I loved being with kids so it wasn’t long before I was totally loving my job. When I did start having my own kids, I was so thankful for the training I had and I’m still grateful to my mentors and those who continue to help me in my life’s calling. Those same mentors taught me the importance of not just baby-sitting, but getting to know the kids individually. Every child is different and not only deals with learning differently, but with life in unique ways. Where in a school setting with large groups of kids can the teachers afford to get to know each child individually?
Because I chose to home-school, I have more of a say in who my kids are around. I want them to have role-models and friends who will inspire them to live a Godly life. I know I can’t shelter them and that’s not my purpose. I simply want to have a say in who my kids hang out with. It is possible to prepare them for life through those who are good examples, I feel.
Following is an article that a friend of mine posted on her FB wall today. It was very hard for me to read, emotions ranging from anger to just wanting to cry! It’s long, but it’s one more example or reason if you will, of why I chose to home-school.
Death education at Columbine High
By Dr. Samuel L. Blumenfeld
Last weekend, the seniors at Columbine High School graduated. They tossed their caps into the air, celebrating their liberation from twelve years of public education where they wer…e indoctrinated in the system’s moral and academic chaos and were undoubtedly glad to come out of it alive. Some of their classmates did not. They remembered those who did not, omitting the names of the two perpetrators of the massacre who were also supposed to graduate that weekend. Instead, those two chose death.
Which brings us to the subject of death education. Death education has been a part of the progressive curriculum in virtually every public school in America for at least the last fifteen years. Yet no one in the establishment, let alone the U.S. Department of Education, has sought to find out what death education is doing to the minds and souls of the millions of children who are subjected to it. But we do have plenty of anecdotal information on hand.
For example, back in 1985, Tara Becker, a student from Columbine High, went to a pro-family conference in Colorado to tell the attendees about death education at the school and the effect it had on her. Jayne Schindler, who heard Tara’s testimony, reported:
Tara brought with her a booklet she had helped to compile for one of her school classes. This booklet was called “Masquerade” and was full of subliminal pictures and prose. Tara explained how she had been taught to use the hidden, double meaning, subliminals and how she had focused so much of her time and attention on death that she, herself, had tried to commit suicide.
A video was made of Tara’s testimony and distributed nationwide by Eagle Forum. The tape was aired on British television, and The Atlantic Monthly did a feature story based on it. The producers at 20/20 saw the video and decided to do a segment on death education which was aired in 1990. I remember that video very well because I was called by the free-lance writer who was working on the story and sent her some of the newsletters I had written on the subject.
Schindler writes, “Tara explained that the subject of death was integrated into many of the courses at her high school. She said that death was made to look glamorous, that living was hard, and that reincarnation would solve their problems. Students were told that they would always return to a much better life form. They would return to the ‘Oversoul’ and become like God.
“After one of the students at her school committed suicide, a ‘suicide talking day’ was held and every class was to talk about death. Class assignments were for students to write their own obituaries and suicide notes. They were told to trust their own judgment in choosing whether to live or die.”
So Tara began to think of suicide as a means of solving some of her problems. She thought of liberating her spirit from enslavement to her body. She says she also wanted to die to help relieve the planet of overpopulation. These were a few of the crazy thoughts put into her head by her “educators.” God knows what kind of equally crazy thoughts were put into the heads of the two killers at Columbine.
Fortunately, Tara survived death education at Columbine High and lived to talk about it. But thousands of students have committed suicide all across America and no one in Washington has even bothered to hold a hearing on the subject. It is now assumed that teenage suicide is as natural as burgers and fries. It’s just one of those things that teenagers now do in America.
But what seems to be happening as death education becomes more and more sophisticated is that many of these teenagers with the suicidal urge now want to take some of their teachers and classmates with them. After all, reincarnation is an equal opportunity concept. It’s for everybody.
How long has this been going on? Here are some excerpts from an article entitled “Development Opportunities for Teachers of Death Education” published in “The Clearing House” in May 1989, ten years ago:
This article reaffirms the need for death education and offers some methods for improving pedagogical skills of teachers.
A task force appointed by the president of the Association for Death Education and Counseling … is charged to (1) carry out a study of the current state of death education in U.S. schools, (2) make recommendations for the ideal K-12 curriculum in death education, and (3) make recommendations for minimal knowledge, skills, and attitudes that teachers should possess before attempting to teach death education to children. …
Although we can assume that most pedagogical efforts are sound, recent examples have surfaced, depicting miseducation and ill handling of attempts to address dimensions of dying and death. Consider the following items from the Dallas Morning Press:
“Some have blamed death education classes for the suicides of two students who attended courses in Illinois and Missouri. Other students have suffered traumatic reactions. Minimally trained or untrained teachers have asked first graders to make model coffins out of shoe boxes; other students have been instructed to sit in coffins, measure themselves for caskets, list 10 ways of dying (including violent death), attend an embalming and touch an undraped corpse.”
Certainly mistakes do occur in many instructional settings and some minimally trained teachers may, on occasion, handle situations inappropriately. But let us hope that the above examples are rare and that effective death education is the norm in our schools throughout America.
There you have it. A plea made ten years ago for “effective death education,” whatever that is. What is “effective” death education? Can the educators tell us? What about simply eliminating death education? But that won’t happen, because if we did, we’d have to get rid of values clarification, sensitivity training, transcendental meditation, out-of-body experience, magic circles, outcome based education, drug ed, sex ed, suicide ed, and now massacre ed.
Incidentally, the National Education Association has played an active role in promoting death education. It sponsored the writing and publication of “Death and Dying Education” by Prof. Richard O. Ulin of the University of Massachusetts. The book, written in 1978, includes an 18-week syllabus for the death educator.
Dr. R. J. Rushdoony has written, “Humanistic education is the institutionalized love of death.” Meanwhile, the best the schools and President Clinton can offer the kids is grief counseling and conflict resolution by trained counselors who will have a lot more work to do in the future.
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I’m late with this, I know. It feels kind of good to catch up
Jordan:
Reading-2 books: 88%
Math-3 books: 94%
LA-3 books: 98%
Science-2 books: 90%
Social Studies-2 books: 87%
Cherise:
Bible-1 book: 90%
LA-1 book: 99%
Spelling: 100%
Math-1 book: 88%
Science-2 books: 88%
Social Studies- book: 96%
Charlotte:
LA-2 books: 95%
Spelling: 94%
Math: 2 books: 92%
Science-2 books: 95%
Social Studies-1 book: 90%
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Like CC said on her blog, I’ve been plenty busy this month. At the beginning of December, I had to chose what I could realistically do, and what I had to let go. Sadly, keeping up with the blog, was one that I had to let go for the month, but no fear, it is not dead, merely hibernating through the busy Christmas season.
After nearly 1 1/2 years without a camera, we’re so thankful to our friends in Croatia who sent one for Charlotte. So be prepared for a bit of a photo overload, I might put them up in batches…there are also video clips of the kids dancing which will go up as soon as I copy them.
I hope everyone had a blessed and love-filled Christmas.
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This will be our third Chrismas here in India, and there are things that remind me of Christmas here, now as well. It takes me some time to associate events with feelings, smells, etc.
In Europe, the cold weather, snow, etc would put me in the mood for Christmas (basically the only good feeling associated with cold, I don’t miss it, for sure!). It gets cooler here, too, though this year it’s still a bit warmer than in the two years past. However, switching to warmer clothes, sleeping with a light blanket, and having it be foggy in the morning does bring that cozy Christmas feel.
There’s the way things just smell different as it gets closer to Christmas. And of course, listening to carols and Christmas songs. The kids have been practicing for some weeks already and we’re all enjoying listening and dancing to our favorites just for fun.
So we dug out a Christmas game today and had plenty fun with that, despite me not being entirely healthy again yet. Charlotte used her ‘sick time’ to finish her nativity scene that she made entirely by herself. She sewed adorable little characters, all the way down to the chicken (excuse me, dove…). I’ll try and get pictures of those as well.
I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and First Advent. It’s time to enjoy the season of love!
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As a parent, there have been many times when I have to remind myself to let go of things that I used to hold on to because they’re just not realistic or their time has come. Some have been easier to deal with than others, mostly because of my own unrealistic expectations.
Like the girl’s hair, for example. When they were little, I loved dolling them up, doing their hair in original ways, etc. But most importantly, I didn’t want it being messy–if I could help it, ever! Of course, that didn’t last too long. I did my best, but kids will be kids, and there were times when we all looked a little unkempt. But now, I’m having to chose to ‘let go’ again. I want them to become independent and learn how to do their own hair, but that comes with a price. Their pony tail isn’t always centered, Cherise might do her hair and it’s undone within 10 minutes, or they’ll come up with some wild and whacky ‘do’ which wouldn’t really get my approval.
However, I do want them to learn, so I have to chose when I want them to look neat and tidy, when I insist on doing their hair for them, and when I turn a blind eye and tell myself they’re still learning. It’s not easy for me, with my perfectionist tendencies, but I’m learning with them.
There are other areas I’m learning to ‘let go’ in as well. Maybe as I think of them, I’ll write about it again. Now, I gotta go fix someone’s hair!
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CC and I were talking about specialists, as in lung specialists, throat and ear specialists, heart specialists, etc. We were specifically talking about heart specialists, and I mentioned something rather abstractly about most of the heart specialists I know or have heard of were men.
“Well, it makes sense that men would be better specialists.” CC observed.
“Why is that? What difference does it make?”
“Well, women tend to do better at multitasking, meaning they’re better at being general doctors and men find it hard to do more than one thing at a time, so of course, they’d do better to specialize in one area!”
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A couple of days ago, I was discussing with someone about different hitches and glitches in different paperwork we both had to do. While comparing notes and tips, I started feeling a bit overwhelmed, I still had a long way to go and realistically things could go either way at this point.
It wasn’t just this conversation; this is something that’s been on my mind for quite some time. A lot of my dreams and goals depend on these papers getting sorted out, and there are times I admit, I feel overwhelmed and begin to worry. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.
Eventually, though, I kind of snapped out of it and commented that in the end, it’s in His hands after all. Her comment in response was, “yes, that’s the way to live, after all, isn’t it?” And she was right! It really is the way to live. It’s like living on the edge or participating in some kind of extreme sport. Regardless of where I am or what I’m doing, it does take a certain measure of trust in the end. If it’s not these papers I’d need to take care of, it would be something else.
Like a boss, He’s given me this assignment right now, and like any good boss, he’ll take care of me, His employee. I can plan, I can make goals, I can make spreadsheets with my goals planned out with space for details, deadlines, accomplishments, etc. And that’s all good! However, in the end, that spreadsheet, those goals, those are all just an extension of my personal prayer list, things that while I do what I can, I have to trust that He’ll have His way in the end.
I made my list of 6 impossible things (got the idea from Alice in Wonderland, CC and I made it together), and while they really did look large and looming when we made the list, little by little, things are getting knocked off. Maybe not overnight, maybe it’ll take a little longer than I’d prefer, but He’s promised to care for His own, so I’ll do my part and trust Him.
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