my writings and thots


I’ve been giving the word friendship some thought lately. I know I’ve written about those wonderful people in my life who have, in some way helped me to keep going, kept me on the right path, led by example, lifted me when I was down, and a whole lot more.

Recently, I’ve been once again reminded of the wonderful gift of friendship in my life. Sometimes it takes coming to the end of myself to realize that God does put people in my life who can be His hands, His strong arms of comfort, of strength, and of support.

I hadn’t even realized that I was trying to carry it all alone. I thought I needed to be stronger, somehow make my dreams come true–alone. I felt overwhelmed because I didn’t want to depend on anyone, or worse yet, drag anyone else down with concerns about me. I spent time trying to figure out why people said or did things to me. Why, when I was hurt, did I spend time going over the things that were said to me, again and again? I somehow ended up closing up a little more each time, trying to defend myself from the hurt I was sure I was going to experience, or even cause others by being myself.

Then it happened, the one instant that opened my eyes to what I had been allowing myself to become. While I don’t remember the words exactly, in so many words, a friend told me, “All I wanted was for you to know I was there for you, as a friend, I wish you could have accepted that.” That’s when I realized I was closing up again, trying to soldier on alone.

I started to look deeper into my heart and asked the Lord about it as well. Slowly, I started to see the blessings the Lord had brought into my life. In the midst of all the negativity I had let into my life, there was that bright light, that life-saver in the form of those He brought into my life. Friends, who don’t need to know all my trials to understand me, who I don’t have to say a whole lot, but they’re there for me anyway. They don’t need to understand my negativity, they don’t need to even know what I’m going through, out of the blue, there will be a comment someone will make, an IM, or email, telling me not to give up, to keep going for my dreams, or some acknowledgment of a gift I have. I’m not going to start expounding to you, my dear friends, of the things I go through. I won’t go into details of what hurts. I’ll just allow you to be there for me, to help me shoulder the load, to lean from time to time. And I do hope I can do the same for you.

Now, I’m looking at things more positively, I’m not completely alone. I don’t even need to try to be strong on my own. I don’t believe God intended us to walk the path of life completely alone; He gives us companions, friends, soul mates. And I’m so thankful for each one that He’s given me. And, I have come to the conclusion that I would rather accept others for who they are and be hurt, than to assume the worst, judge, or suspect with the result that I’m wrong.


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