I have birds nesting on my balcony.Thanks to a friend of mine who’s into bird watching, I know that they are scaly-breasted munias, which are pretty common in this area. I’ve never had birds nest so closely before; it’s been a pretty amazing experience to watch and hear.
This isn’t the first nest this particular pair have built on my balcony.When I first moved in, they had built a small nest, but with the monsoon rains and wind, it was blown off my balcony before they had a chance to finish. During that time, I was just setting up, going through a myriad of emotions as I was starting over on my own, in a new city, making new friends, and wondering just how I was going to make ends meet.This was the happiest I had been in a long time, but I made new habits of worrying about the details.
Seeing the birds build that nest was comforting as well as interesting. Somehow, having them build their little home in my one was reassuring. Everything would be OK, love was in this home just like their little nest, God was watching out for me and my new little friends.
However, when it blew down, it was just a bit discouraging. I didn’t see it as a bad sign, I was just disapointed that things hadn’t worked out for them. I figured they had built the nest in a bad place, or it just wasn’t strong enough to withstand the elements.It didn’t help that I was worrying, still as well. My prayer times were easily distracted by thoughts of things I still needed to do, how to do them, and when.
But then, after a few weeks, the birds were back! I was reserved in my expectations; it didn’t last before, who could say if they had figured out a way to build a better nest? They were much more enthusiastic than I was; this time the nest was bigger and much more sturdy. They courted on the bars of my balcony, and it looked like they might actually make it this time.
During that time, I hit a snag in my life. Things had been picking up, I was developing a routine, and my sleepless nights were becoming less and less. But then something happened to throw off all my plans. Suddenly, everything was turned upside down–from one day to the next, and I had to figure out how to not only pick up the pieces, but decide which pieces to pick up and which ones to leave. The sleepless nights were back, along with all the anxiety. This wasn’t something I planned and certainly not something I wanted. I struggled knowing just how was I going to be able to pick myself back up again.
Within two weeks, the nest was complete and the female bird pretty much disappeared. There was no way for me to look into the nest, it’s pretty high up and it’s made in such a way that they actually enter into the nest through a little opening on the side, making it covered all around, but I assumed she was roosting. I was right. Not long after, I could see both parents flying in and out, and hear the delightful squeels of tiny, hungry, baby birds.
My heart slowly lifted again. Not only did they ‘learn’ how to build a better nest, the winds and rain had not been able to destroy it this time. They had successfully bred a least three birds (judging from the squeeling I can hear) and were now busy keeping them fed and happy. Things started to pick up again for me as well. It’s been a huge uphill climb, but at least I”m climbing. I didn’t stay down, I’m picking myself back up again. It’s not over yet, there are huge obstacles still in my way, but I’m tackling them–with God’s help and the help of my friends. I now have a note on my desk which tells me that all my worrying is in vain. I have to read it several times a day to remind myself to just trust.
Now, when I feel tempted to worry, to dispair, I lie on my bed, look at that little nest, and meditate on the fact that love is still in this home, just like the little birds. God still has His eye and hand in my life, and just like He cares for the birds, He’s caring for me and my kids.I have amazing friends who have faith in me and help out in any way they can. I meditate on how far I’ve come rather than spend too much time worrying about the mountains still to climb. I will always have more to do, I will always need to provide for my family, I will always feel that I’m falling short. But if I can just trust that I’m in His hands, I’m sure everything will be alright in the end.
(No, I didn’t take these pix, I got them off the web)