Over the last few months, I’ve taken the time, several times to think and pray about my goals, my dreams, and how to make them reality. It’s important to me to have a plan, to make goals and keep them, while at the same time staying relatively open as to how those goals come to be.
Recently, in my quest to accomplish some of those goals, I found myself in a situation where the path goes on, but I felt it was pretty dark. There is little I can do to make progress on my own, and I don’t really see much farther up the path. I was lying in my bed one evening, pondering my situation, trying to pray and find peace.
I began to meditate on the picture of putting your hand into the hand of God, and He will be more than a light and better than a known way. I can’t see the path ahead, I don’t know which way it goes, and I don’t know how much longer it will be hidden from me. I tried to visualize myself putting my hand into His and allowing Him to lead me.
But peace was not coming to me. I felt a block somehow and couldn’t get to a place where I had enough peace to even fall asleep, much less go on day after day, not being sure of what the future holds. I asked the Lord again and again for peace, and then His quiet voice came through my muddled thoughts. “How can you put your hand into Mine as long as your hands are full?”
It occurred to me that I was still holding on to all of my own plans and goals. I had a time frame I wanted things to happen in, I had a certain way I wanted things to pan out, and I felt that was the only way I would be happy with the outcome. Frustration met me had as one thing after another seemed to go contrary to my plans. Slowly, I visualized myself letting go of one plan after another, one goal after the other. As I did so, peace came and I was able to sleep.
It’s a temptation every morning, to pick those up again and try to reason with God about why He should or could work things out according to my plan. I have to make the decision again and again that I will be happy, content, and grateful regardless of how things work out. I believe that my goals were made with Him, that He wants things to work out for me and my family, I just know that He’ll do it in His time and if I can learn to be happy in the situation I’m in, I’ll be content when His answer comes.
The road is still dark, I’m still unsure of what the future holds and how everything will come together, but I know that with my empty hands in His, He’ll lead the way and be the light that I need.